Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
