just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
