ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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