Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize