My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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