I hate all girls vehemently.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
