K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize