I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have already put on my inside pants.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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