where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
