Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
