well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
