Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im holly from the hills drunk
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
