I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
