why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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