you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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