we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i dont even know how to be here
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
