I wish life had little blips of pornography
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize