i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
