Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
