Apparently you make a good broom.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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