I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
