Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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