Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
