i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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