Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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