hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
