You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
