I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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