Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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