i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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