No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
