does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
