Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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