I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
