and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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