we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
