Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
