is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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