WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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