It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
