do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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