True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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