Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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