Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
