all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize