i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
