nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
