never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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