I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
