throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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