My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
