I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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