Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
