dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
