2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
