The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
