yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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