We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
