you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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