that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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