He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
