dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
