Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
