My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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