And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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