Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize