I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
