New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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