Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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