My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
