We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
