and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish you could order shots online.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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