if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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