We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
