I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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