How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
