I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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