i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
