I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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