Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
