Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
