I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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