I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
