don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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