I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
