my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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