how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize