Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
