glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
